Finding Threads...

My Super Power

Shhhhhh!  I have a super power – somehow I get people to open up and tell me things that they wouldn’t imagine sharing with a stranger. I can gauge a person, size up their intentions (whether they use their own power for good or evil) and make a judgment call on whether I make the effort to engage them in a conversation, all in under a minute.

As I get older I am starting to see people project who they are in different ways, you can see something in their smile, hear something in their voice or read their body language.  If there is kindness I see a bright glow around them and if they are talking bullshit a dull annoying ringing starts in my ears and the only way to stop it is by walking away.  Not very tactful I know but what can I do?

You can ask everyone I know – I don’t do the superficial noise chatter, if I am thinking about something it just comes out of my mouth. I ask anything and everything (to the bus driver, an investor, friends, cashier at the store) I don’t believe in personal boundaries if both parties seem receptive. You never know what someone is about until you ask a personal question so I always ask personal questions.

In the coming weeks I will start blogging and talking to random strangers, acquaintances, true friends and try to discover their super powers as well as trying to figure out what it takes to find love.

Don’t worry I only use my power for good.

An alternative to the decoder ring…

The more I dive into people’s personal lives, the more I realize that “dating” today is not as simple as getting together to talk about common interests or about being yourself.  To have “game” you have to play games.  The expectation is that one’s image must be spun, polished and finessed to the point of being unrecognizable to find your beloved. 

So let’s talk about some of those games. Guys first. Not to be stereotypical or anything, (but this is me unedited after all) but I see a lot of men with the “I want the hot chick” attitude. But the “hotties” are swarmed with suitors, so what’s a guy to do? To be the standout contestant, he pulls all sorts of shenanigans to keep “little miss all that” interested.  This may include “I am a bad boy, but you are special enough to make me good” play, pretending not to be interested (when he really is), dating several people at once (even though she clearly thinks the relationship’s exclusive) and/or all-out communication outages.

But to be fair, women play games too.  But in self-defense, it’s probably because we are less secure. We ask questions and pretend to be interested on a date just to be polite.  We wonder “Am I pretty enough? Smart enough? Funny enough for him?” (even when maybe we don’t like them that much). We want men to want us and yet we pretend not to care.  We feel the need to play hard to get to keep them interested.  Worst of all, we make up excuses (but only for the guys we really like) when they don’t call us for a week … “he went through a bad break up…he needs time to heal…he was traveling so he didn’t have time to call…blah, blah, blah.”

I have been out of the dating scene for years, but I have to admit if I suddenly became single, I wouldn’t make it out there.  I don’t know what signals to trust and what to ignore.  If you tell me you like me, then it wouldn’t occur to me to wonder “I think he likes me, but only until he can upgrade.” If it is all about a good romp in the sack, I get it, but what about the end game?

How do we get from game play to soul mate, life partner, best friend? The super-shiny veneer has to wear off sometime. Maintaining the perfect polish is just too exhausting. Is it really worth the effort? So how about another strategy? Be yourself. Be honest, even if it hurts a little. Tell me “Hey, this was just sex. Sorry if I made you think it was more.” I can deal with the truth and so can anyone with whom you want to build a true relationship.

Skye says, “Say what you mean and do what you say.”

Love will find you. No magic decoder ring required.

RT @TechCrunch Thread.com Raises $1.2 Million For Facebook-Powered Matchmaking Service http://bit.ly/jjMHR

Honeymoon Over ..... but wait it gets BETTER!

Since this blog is going to be about relationships, I thought I’d start by talking about the people I have seen most lately (and it hasn’t been my lover, husband, and father of my son – sorry honey.)

About 8 months ago in a strange land called Silicon Valley - three friends dreamt of escaping the cold corporate life and working together - their names were Katherine, Brian and Skye.  They decided to quit their (somewhat lucrative) jobs to conjure up a company.  Lots of ideas were floating around but helping people connect with each other kept bubbling up to the top.

That’s where I come in. While there’s a lot of pretty successful start up experience under my belt, my talents are simple - meeting people and maintaining relationships.  So if I could build my dream job, this would be it. The first six months of any relationship is labeled the “honeymoon phase.” Starting a company is no different. When there is instant chemistry, it is easy to get carried away in the hype. If you asked me in January where I thought our company would be in September I would have said “maybe somewhere…maybe nowhere, but I am having a lot of fun.”

However, with this beta launch, I officially declare our honeymoon phase over.  No more self-induced hype. We are not just drinking our own kool-aid and asking investors to kindly take a sip. Like in any relationship when the novelty has worn off, the real work begins – people are not on their best behavior anymore, issues arise and you have to figure out how to work things out or even if it is worth the effort. And take it from the one who has a tendency to fly - real effort is required to find the rhythm during the roller coaster ride of start-up land.

But wait…it gets better. This company’s foundation is built on the friendship (and love) of people who truly wanted to work together and have fun doing it.  We are committed to each other – skills, personalities and heavy baggage to boot. How many companies can say that? And we have an actual product out there that real people are using.

So if you ask me today, I’ll say “this is only the beginning.” Game on!

Sending good juju to my thread family (Katherine, Brian, Erik, B, Herb, Jamie & Addison), you guys are amazing.

p.s. To our family and significant others who didn’t see much of us this summer … thanks for loving us through our insanity.  We couldn’t have launched without you.